DEEPENING OUR UNDERSTANDING OF PEACE: presence

(inspired by Living Compass Living Well through Advent)

For those of you familiar with the 5 Love Languages mine is QUALITY TIME.  In spiritual language I identify it as PRESENCE: the ability to listen fully, actively, and without distraction; the act of holding space for someone and allowing for something sacred to emerge; and finally, the willingness to be vulnerable and speak from one's heart. 

I am actively engaged in making PEACE with indirect or incomplete communication. I am a snob who carries borderline high judgement when talking fills the silence but doesn't accomplish connection. I prefer the intimacy of face-to-face conversation. I'm less interested in what you do versus who you are and what makes you come alive... or perhaps, what challenges your aliveness!

I am not proud to admit this but the shadow side to all of this, when I find myself in a small place, is the anger/frustration/irritation that can arise when someone infers or assigns a feeling (an emotion/a thought) to me that I haven't said. When someone reads a situation between-the-lines or beats around the bush, I feel the need to defend myself.  assumptions!

Based on Thomas Merton's quote yesterday, I realize that somewhere inside me I am not at PEACE.  There's a contradiction even in this reflection for the very thing I protect is what someone else has implied but I haven't communicated.

I am not flowery. I don't build a story for others to follow, engage, and react to... I barely give enough details for understanding.  I am a bullet point communicator.  I have been coached on my forward and direct approach.  I have been told I have an edge that intimidates others and I want it to be softer. 

I don't have an answer.  My only thought is to close my eyes and breathe through it. In this moment I can acknowledge the rub, thank it for having served me at some previous point in my life, then exhale and let it go.  Perhaps then, when I open my eyes to further engage in the conversation the dark emotion will have passed.  Perhaps that will lead to PEACE. I'll let you know...