Journal 03.17.2020

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Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.  ~Psalm 23:4



Does one document a pandemic? ...for posterity? ...for reflection? ...for obsessing? I. DON'T. KNOW.  But I do know that I'm on my 1st Diazepam for the day and the 3rd pill in 2 days.  My writing is shaky.  My body overrun with anxiety and psychosomatic thoughts that I have Coronavirus ~ even with my hermit lifestyle. It could be!

Part of me would prefer to get it and just go through it. Experience it and (hopefully) realize it's not too bad and SURVIVE!

But does death scare me? Yes... and NO.  It is inevitable and unavoidable.  We are part of nature and ALL of nature is born & dies as it's own repeating pattern.  Honestly, I think death makes me sad to leave the ones I love behind. I know some day it will happen, just not now.  I can weather A LOT! And I'm not ready to leave... even though grandma gray, greg, and meghan await in the Eternal Now! 

I have more love to offer and more loving to give. I have held myself back and resisted expressing the very thing I desire - unconditional, unbounded LOVE! And this is the call... the invitation; to open up and share and not hold back from loving anyone regardless of social or cultural 'norms' and expectations.

Expectations transform into

allowing the OTHER

to just BE

Who they are

Where they're at

Making the best balancing their own Light & Shadow


 FORGIVENESS. HUMILITY. HOLDING OPEN ALL.

I needed this cry, the cleansing tears for my soul to wash away and cleanse my fear; for it too is a part of my (w)holiness - the YIN to my optimism's YANG.

 At times like this, the balance is skewed toward the shadow but the gift is realizing what I value and how I show that.  I need the dark to illuminate my LIGHT, my Love, and my Healing.

 Peace settles on me and calm emerges within my body... of course, with a little help 😜

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